Day 13, Sept. 26th, 2010

Was it worthwhile ?? Is it ??, when you watch your family at a distance in a given reunion, you notice they are happy, they seem to be fulfilled, your grandchildren laughing, so sweet, so real, so now you melt like ice cream and you tell yourself, well done, it is worthwhile, but this is like a drug you need to take on a daily basis cause if you don't you start wondering if this huge effort is sound and healthy. Uprooted twice and starting over, not a piece of cake and starting over in the Land of 7.000.000 prime ministers is a huge business. Living in Israel is living 2 lives at the same time, the great picture and the daily life. The great picture is wonderful, fulfilling, worthwhile, no better choice though sometimes, frankly you do not recognize yourself among this huge tribe made up of so many tribes you don't even relate too. Daily life, not so clear and it takes time to really fit in too, cause till you can't communicate, speak the language of the common you do not really live it, love it, sense it, get it under your skin, in your blood. It is a long painful journey where you would need a daily Sukah and a daily Yom Haatzmaut festivity. If the 10 days spaning between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kipur are so soul mended important, need to be so inside/insight going to, how come you go about your daily routine after the 2 first days till the end ??, somehow you are again caught inside the petty issues, everyday not so heroic life and try to become a spiritual being at the same time ?

And each time I was drafted to the hospital or rehab centers and witnessed hell, human suffering, pain, loneliness and a complete abandonment to your human respect where the nurses took over you privacy, took over your private parts and sometimes even your dignity. Each time you fall so deep and so dark it's harder and harder to climb up, but I somehow did it each time over and today I can say that I could save my soul, spirit and dignity and the doctors saved my legs, well the doctors here cause a group of them back there in what used to be my house left me on a wheelchair..........