Day 52, November 4th, 2010

The law of attraction and so many others, advices and so forth aare excellent as long as you can identify your weaknesses and be able to change a whole mind set. Everything works, almost all advices are OK and well intended but they generally address the exterior, which is much easier to turn around than the deep rooted self. It is not the mother outside now for me in my case, it is the mother inside. The one that stayed on these many years is what really counts now. What she is still telling me, ordering me, criticizing me and so forth, the must and duties...........a whole mind set so deep rooted I want to get rid of but it is almost impossible. I can still hear the orders, the seriousness, the tragedy of life, the tough military style life, duties come first, you must do, you must do you must do, no chance for any break, orders orders orders, do it now do it now do it now, do not leave it for tomorrow, you must !, not many chances for joy and relax and if reality was not that dramatic, this is the way Ii got it, I felt it, I lived. The presumed rality is all that much similar as the real one or both are the same.