Day 64, November 16th, 2010

Don’t you feel sometimes like life is like a TV show, you know that in the end the boy gets the girl and the girl gets the boy but in the meantime it seems like an orgasm that

will never be, not meant to be, never coming, always dreaming about it, doing your best, and when it finally is, it is somewhat late??, been there??, they say that the joy is the voyage and not the final stop, true………..but when life imitates art or the other way round it seems a bit so heavy to bear…..like if all of the characters were doomed for life as if life goes on and on and on and you are always left in the same place, the same fucking place, fucking destiny. Or as if life were meant for the others but not for yourself, cause you are to be repeating somewhat different versions of the same old story…….what if you never learn what you were meant to. What if you never lived or enjoyed or changed what if in the end there is nothing…..what if, what if??, the worst part of yourself is when you are left alone with yourself, the party finished, the loved ones good-bye, the grandchildren home and you and your silence and your walls and your darkness and your ghosts, a past you can’t change, your age you can’t go back to, a future of uncertainty and doubts and the silence.