Day 88, December 10th, 2010

Many years ago when I was a child and not so, I could not and would not accept death, least of all of the young, the children, the suffering, the torture, the cruel accidents, death by fire and all forms of sufferings, I could not understand them nor accept them it was just very very painful, very cruel and I could not match the belief in a God, and the answer to suffering, not to mention how moved and terribly mad and sad and rebellious about the suffering of people in the holocaust and I came up with a theory of mine which helped me go on believing and release the stress, the terrible pain I felt whenever wherever I heard of human/animal suffering. The pain was so cruel to bear do I came up with the idea that the dead had not been human beings but rather real zombies, yes, zombies, people not human enough but with the appearance of them but created by God for some reason, they would live among us as human beings and lead a normal life but were not here to stay but to die for a purpose of teaching us something, coming to us for


A teaching purpose, so I could bear more softly the idea of a mother losing a child and burying a child and so forth…….