Day 115, January 6th, 2011

The aging of the mind is not worthwhile living unless you live in your inner world with no communication, speech contact with the new, the young, the fresh. Unless you just live the life of the simple living going about your usual business of staying alive and yes, maybe enjoying life as it is till death Do us part…….


But the aging of the body is not that worthwhile living. You break all the mirrors in your house and never look at your glow and shade and being on the shops’ windows or else……….cause no matter how many uplifting books you read or how many advices you listen to about the wisdom of aging, the aging of the body has no value and it only keeps your morals down by the passing of the day…dying is a normal process but who wants to live normally ??, OK, maybe the secret is not thinking about death and the idea of unfairness that you feel that the world will go on without you, maybe a tear or two for a month and you are on the books of no more………just live the present moment but I have to live the present moment also feeling sorry for the time past and maybe not fully lived and the body that is no more and face that keeps going down and down and everything in your body keeps going down by the day and we don’t even have on our side the regard other cultures have for the elderly and their wisdom and their memoirs, no, we live in a cruel world where aging is dying already especially if you do not have the money to trip the world, drink the champagne till you are knocked down and send the rest of the world to go fuck themselves……..no, the rest of us need to live on a daily basis feeling that we are done, useless and someone to call to from time to time lest we died alone in our houses and nobody noticed……..what a gloomy day, what a gloomy thought or maybe it is just the upcoming 62 birthday in only some days ahead and I just don’t want to go though the aging process not a minute longer.