Day 31, October 14th, 2010

And I have reached a full mini circle of one month on this sort of task I have asked myself. Do I have the talent to go on?  Or the will or a meaning ?, Do I want some justice gotten by means of words when I haven't gotten it in a court of law? Justice? A meaningless word in Peru where corrupt judges coexist with the corrupt police and the corrupt lawyers. Mal praxis ?? What is this? some curse in Latin? I had to endure 8 operations there, one wrecked, almost leg and not a piece a little tiny piece of compensation, nor moral even worse money compensation for all the suffering and a leg shortened like 5 cm in the bone. Three years my scar drained what the immoral doctor, E. Pastor, told me all the time it was just a stitch of the latest operation which will eventually come to surface........!!Me, Us? So stupid, naive, desolate to buy the argument. OK, I am no doctor but how desperate I had been to believe and believe that I finally gave in and believed while my bone was being eaten up by an infection.....nothing done? nothing tried ? no analysis, no idea/doubt that something was wrong? Only deceit and mal praxis and lies, not even a I am sorry, I failed you. No, there's no justice in Peru, a justice that should have at least given me money compensation if success I never got. A friend told me once, you do not live in a country where the police is corrupt and there is no justice and the health system is no good, but I did, now I am paying the price, I limp for good in a country I should have come earlier enough to save my leg, my life, my dignity to an almost perfect health system and justice. A mouth bitter, an empty stomach, a sense of betrayal you can't avoid feeling if and when I want to think about which I almost never do cause you do not regret what you can't change anymore but also a sense of despair when you get to think what was all of that about, where was I to stop it, change doctors and go on. Revenge on my part or the justice I didn't get in court? Today I go to the swimming pool, my private mikveh, I swimm I do my excercises and get stronger by the day, I feel a ballerina and I am a winner.