Day 46, October 29th, 2010

Pity I was born in an age when children didn't count. I would have loved to have been born in a time where the love and care for children is a Cult !!, Body care and mind. Pity too, in a time when on one side of the world children are treated as flowers in the rest are treated as bombs, killers and hate mongers. Pity I was born when children were caught in the middle, unguarded, unprepared to cope with the life of the adults, the hatred of the adults, the problems, foes and strangers. I don't remember a nice childhood. I remember my parents fighting, unhappy parents, miserable parents. Parents so into their own miserable lives that could hardly take care of me, my feelings, likes and dislikes. Maybe they did care, but I do not remember. Maybe they did what they knew the best they could, maybe.............in any case I do remember being used and abused as a middle man between their fights. The pressure I felt, the disgust, the voice inside urging to say I just don't care, I love you both and I do not want to be caught in the middle...........and the pressure, the pain, the very early in life notion that life was not good, that it was too complicated, that carried a lot of weight on shoulders not yet prepared for the heavy task, and it hurt so badly. All I wanted was peace, happy moments, go playing and climb trees and a relaxed life of a kid of less than 10, I do not remember childhood, I missed it and lost it and  it will never be.