Day 139 January 30th, 2011

So maybe now the true journey inside begins, cause all these months beating about the bush meant nothing else than a terrible pain of going inside and conjuring up the sadness, the rage, the anger, the poor self-esteem, the envy the jealousy, all of the humans’ feelings and my own, cause it is painful but it has to be done to find your real self, bring out the love, your real white pure stone, your soul, cleanse it all and emerge naked, purely naked of anything but you. Cause I need a new beginning and I need to clean up all the cells memories, cure them up, erase the bad memories but first I need to find out why y sickened my body and ask forgiveness to my self an forgive and ask for forgiveness to many, again I need to experiment what I did some 4 years ago or so to let myself fall in a very deep darkness a complete and profound void with the only difference that now I have read a bit more about how to use it for the best and not to have kept myself have way out of fear of getting into my deepest darkness and salvation and cure