Thursday, September 30, 2010

Day 16, Sept. 29th, 2010

JaG Simjat Torah to all. Is there some one out there yet ? Somebody is listening, reading, relating ??. What's in a name after all ?? I have been fighting my heart out for the past 61 years to make people say Sanda instead of Sandra. At the beginning I was very shy to correct people and to my inner growing fever let them on, as soon I as grew strong enough or let's say less weak enough to tell people they didn't hear correctly times were getting smoother, but moving to a country like Peru where doing paper work is Dante's inferno, again a daily job of correcting, mending, and looking carefully into every one and each paper issued to me to search for mistakes, which they always were present. Coming to Israel, didn't ease my concerns, the Land of the diversity, the Land of the people of Europe among others, once again my daily routine of having people pronounce it correctly cause writing it, AH, writing it !! what can I tell you, what is reading your beloved name, the name you fought all you life for, the baby you caressed written in letters you don't relate to..........they say that changes is good, but a 180 cicle bound, not that much, I look at it and it seems that something is wrong, this is not me..........and when little by little, cause they say that grown up people adjust to what can't be changed, today I find out that it is highly recommended that I changed all 3 combinations, my name plus my last maiden name plus my last married name cause neither have a good vibe, neither a good energy, they are holding me back and, What's in a name after all, just a name, something you were not aware of, nor asked your opinion about, anyway cause you were just a safeless baby with no say about your preferences and even so maybe they would not have been good either, so today, the day of our rejoicing in the Torah I need to think it very deeply if i want to go through all the process, spiritual, maybe the less worrysome but all of the paper work again, as easy as in Israel my be, and begin with her a renewed life, maybe this time with good opportunities and not so hard as it has been always, Yes, today we finish the whole circle of the annual reading of the Torah, no, I am not religious, I am very conservative and take the Torah as a very good source of values and many metaphors and not all of the metaphors relate to actually cover your beautiful cleavage !!!!!!! but what a coincidence for me to get to know a reality I only suspected but never translated into a very bad combination of energy and I was given a good opportunity to start over, renewed, blessed, blissed and with good fortune, after all I have still another 60 to go.............

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