Day 9, Sept. 22nd, 2010

Here I am one week/weak older and still so tough to open up, tougher than I had thought, cause at least in my case, there's such a deep rooted desire to fit in, to be a part of, to be loved/accepted. This inside mother I can't get rid of, this outside one still pisses me off many times.....my hair, my nails could be an issue which could start WWIII at 61 !!, Maybe parents should pass a very strict psychological exam before having the terrible responsibility of becoming one, mine didn't pass, Me ?? of course I did, if I hadn't I would have wasted a whole life trying to mend a past which cannot be mended anyway, I would have chosen a bad career and a sense for life. Such a useless exercise, a waste of precious life trying to please, to please your mother, to please the world but how many hours of that precious life to you, need to really understand it, or live it cause it isn't that you don't understand it, it is that you just can't get rid of such bad habits and when you think you did, there comes the TV, magazines etc to tell you how do you need to look if you want to be considered a human being or else............