Day 37, October 20th, 2010

I think I lost momentum, stamina and magic, don't know what to say or to whom, not even to myself. Inspiration and words. Rabin all over the places, news, TV and so forth and I remember vividly the way 15 years ago I also lost some magic and the end of my naivity and a sad feeling that Jews can also kill. Yes, I am not was not in favor of Rabin/Peres' policies, no reason to kill either. But the fairy tale gone, Jews could also kill, OK very few but in my dreams very few is too much. But the circus surrounding it all, the moment to force politic down our throats was unbearable. It doesn't take a corpse to chagne your mind and feeling that what they had done was wrong. The minute I learnt that the question of Jerusalem was even mentioned let alone put on the table I knew they were utterly wrong. If i want something to be corrected or changed in my life I do not put my arm on sale, full stop. In the end we are very weak People and we pay it day by day by day, our soldiers and kids on buses pay it day by day. We do not have a clear goal, a sense of healthy nationality and the sense of a mission and purpose and a common being. We are weak and going over all of our faults of the past that led to the shoah, if not with our bodies completely
, with our mind and behaviour we are going once again to the shoah little by little by little, the same story the same people the same world, we have not learnt a shit.............