Day 143 February 3rd, 2011

Today used to be, the only grandfather I knew from my father's side's birthday, he died at 96 or 97 I think it was on 1997 so he would be way past 100 and he deserved it, I loved him a lot and he was a good man.
And lately my beleif is that you just die when you are just very tired to keep on............either you sicken yourself or you just let go or kill yourself in an accident. He was living vey lonely and had lost 5 years before her partner, my grandmother, to whom he was devoted and I guess that he simply had not many things to live for, left alone in Montreal, the cold and far away Montreal somewaht away from the closests relatives.
And he let go. In my case I had lost him more than 40 years before when they moved away from Argentina, one by one all of my father's family, him included, went away for good and I lost a good part of a child's need to grow up with caring families and grandparents, in reality my father's brothers were quite odd and not so loveable except for the one I had never seen again, the little one........it's like the people I loved most deserted me, my life and left me behind with the other half meshugas family, my mother's side, who knows why did I choose these 2 families to come to ad which could be the reason and the final chapter........